Salesman: Rat skins, dodo-heads, tepid lemonade. Get out of it! Rat skins, dodo-heads, tepid lemonade- G’day mate I’ll take uh, five of your rat skins and one of those tepid lemonades. That’s one chicken, mate. That’s not a chicken. No. That’s much better than a chicken, my friend. That is gold. What? Gold. The currency of the future. Great. Come back in the future. Rat skins! Dodo heads- No, mate- I don’t think you understand. This has unlimited use. Can I eat it? No. Can I wear it? No, you- Can I use it as firewood? No. Starting to sound pretty limited, mate. But you can melt it and turn it into whatever you want…! Can I turn it into food? No, you can’t- Customer 2: Sorry… Is this gonna take long? Hodl your horses, mate, we are dealing in futures here! Ooooh! What’s that? Is that a rock? No, worse, it’s “cold”.
Oooooh. Cold! How do I get some cold? GOLD. I have people mining for it. Ooooh! You have people?! Ladidah, we’ve got a rich one here, aye! What do you pay them with? …Gold. Ugh. NEXT! No, no- They say this currency could be worth a thousand rat skins!
In just a few years. Maybe even more! In just a few years. Says who? …The people with gold- Fuck. Next! Look! Every economy ever has been controlled by the big chicken banks. NEXT! …And this is our opportunity to get out from under the Big Chicken boots- Fuck me! Next! …shake up the market, and start taking back our economic independence! Are you with me?! …No. Really?! Come on, man! All my mates are doing it- Just get your hand off it, alright? Everyone’s trying to predict the next alt-rock. First it was stone, then bronze, then iron, now “gold”. What can I even do with this shiny shit? Make fucken jewelry out of it or something? Yes! Yes, you can do that! Great idea! Because it’s malleable! And best of all: there’s fuck all of it! It’s a finite resource! Mate, I’ll tell you what a finite resource is: my fucken patience, alright? NOW PISS
OFF! You know what, stuff it! I’m taking it back! It’s like talking to my dad! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why don’t you go discover avocado and smash it on toast, you dickhead! (off screen) Yeah, maybe I will! Sorry mate. Half a chicken. Piss on me, not you too. Oh, no, no, no. This is way better than gold: It’s silver! Or as I like to call it, Litegold Cash. It’s faster to mine, it’s – Gotta be the last one, surely…..Rat skins, Dodo heads, very tepid lemonade… Get it here… Desert warm..
